Wow, that’s a hot car. Look at that thing. Look at those sweeping lines, the beautiful headlights, the tasteful wheels, the obvious nods to aerodynamics such as the front lip and sideskirts, and a marked dearth of vents, scoops, wings, and other tasteless, tacky accoutrements.
This car visually knocks it dead. Part of that is functional – it is rumored to have a coefficient of drag of just 0.23 – supposedly the lowest of any production vehicle on the planet. Now, of course it has all the “luxury” crap that I don’t give a shit about, but it’s also powered by a delightful little 2.0L motor pumping out 208 hp and 258 ft-lbs of torque, thanks to direct injection and a turbo. So, we’re two for two.
I’m going to consider the transmission neither a plus nor a minus. The negative being it has an automatic transmission. The positive being that such automatic transmission is in fact a dual clutch gearbox with 7 speeds, which shifts faster than I can.
And then we kill it. The driven wheels – FRONT. That’s right, this drop dead sexy semi-boner inducing car routes its power through the FRONT FUCKING WHEELS. Why, Mercedes-Benz, why? You came so close to building a car I want to drive (well, you did with the C-class until I actually drove it and found out it drove like a half-cooked Soba noodle).
Now, I know you’re going to say “The consumer doesn’t care” – well I’m not the consumer, I’m me. I also know you’re going to say “Well, you can get it with AWD”. You know what, FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR AWD! I don’t give a shit if it can route 90% of the power to the rear wheels, until the fronts start slipping, it routes 100% of the power to the front wheels. That sucks. That’s stupid. That makes me hate this car for getting sexually aroused only to be stuck with blue balls once I find out that it won’t do a proper burnout.
But, again, what do I know – it’s a $30,000 Mercedes-Benz – it will sell in droves to aspirational young adults who have communications degrees from a liberal arts college and work in “marketing.”