I’ve always been a fan of the Corvette. I’ve always thought that it offered an appealing combination of performance and price. It’s the car all of us could one day afford if we worked hard and saved. It’s one of my four automotive “icons” that I hold in awe as an example of relentless refinement and brand purity (Corvette, Wrangler, Miata, 911).
It’s always had its issues. There are complaints of interior quality, or unrefined, primitive powertrains, but those have all been dealt with and put to rest. Corvettes have always been attractive, stylish cars. For every person like me who sees a performance bargain (0-60 in under 4 seconds, brakes from the C6 Grand Sport and 1.0 lateral g in the stock, base model) there are going to be 2 people who just want one because it looks cool and says “SPORTY!”
Except now, GM has gone and done it again. They’ve pulled a Pontiac. What have we here – parts bin body bits – tacked on vents, scoops, rakes, flares, and why not – let’s just get lazy and use the Camaro rear end. Not to mention QUAD exhaust – how much do you want to bet those are just tips? My 4 year old would love this car, because it looks like one of his Hot Wheels. And if that’s what you’re into, then this car is for you.
Me, I prefer a little restraint and taste. I learned about “attention” after driving a Pussy Magnet Yellow 911 on a daily basis.
And speaking of Pontiac – you know what my favorite design by them of all time was?
That’s right. The GTO. No flares. No scoops. No vents. Just an anal suppository on wheels with a giant fucking V8 crammed in the hood and more torque than the tires could handle, sent through the two rear wheels. Debadge this sucker (or rebadge it as a G6) and you’d have one hell of a sneaky car.
Of course, this car did not sell well as a Pontiac – the consumers wanted stupid vents and spoilers and other bits, and they got them at the end of 04 and through 06, when the car was killed and replaced with the G8 (also complete with spoilers and vents and other things that look like they were tacked on at the trailer park by a mulleted meth-head).
Anyways, what I’m saying is – GM, you done fucked up. I’m sure you’ll sell a million of these cars, just not to me.