The New Corvette is Shockingly Ugly

Posted: January 14, 2013 in Rants
Tags: , , , , , ,

New-Corvette-StingrayI mean, really, really ugly.

I’ve always been a fan of the Corvette.  I’ve always thought that it offered an appealing combination of performance and price.  It’s the car all of us could one day afford if we worked hard and saved.  It’s one of my four automotive “icons” that I hold in awe as an example of relentless refinement and brand purity (Corvette, Wrangler, Miata, 911).

It’s always had its issues.  There are complaints of interior quality, or unrefined, primitive powertrains, but those have all been dealt with and put to rest.  Corvettes have always been attractive, stylish cars.  For every person like me who sees a performance bargain (0-60 in under 4 seconds, brakes from the C6 Grand Sport and 1.0 lateral g in the stock, base model) there are going to be 2 people who just want one because it looks cool and says “SPORTY!”

Except now, GM has gone and done it again.  They’ve pulled a Pontiac.  What have we here – parts bin body bits – tacked on vents, scoops, rakes, flares, and why not – let’s just get lazy and use the Camaro rear end.  Not to mention QUAD exhaust – how much do you want to bet those are just tips?  My 4 year old would love this car, because it looks like one of his Hot Wheels.  And if that’s what you’re into, then this car is for you.

Me, I prefer a little restraint and taste.  I learned about “attention” after driving a Pussy Magnet Yellow 911 on a daily basis.

And speaking of Pontiac – you know what my favorite design by them of all time was?

2004_pontiac_gto_coupe-pic-7172955457243015628Sleeper.

That’s right.  The GTO.  No flares.  No scoops.  No vents.  Just an anal suppository on wheels with a giant fucking V8 crammed in the hood and more torque than the tires could handle, sent through the two rear wheels.  Debadge this sucker (or rebadge it as a G6) and you’d have one hell of a sneaky car.

Of course, this car did not sell well as a Pontiac – the consumers wanted stupid vents and spoilers and other bits, and they got them at the end of 04 and through 06, when the car was killed and replaced with the G8 (also complete with spoilers and vents and other things that look like they were tacked on at the trailer park by a mulleted meth-head).

Anyways, what I’m saying is – GM, you done fucked up.  I’m sure you’ll sell a million of these cars, just not to me.

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Comments
  1. Trevor Spencer says:

    I agree 100% with you. I saw the concept pictures of the Corvette a few months before its unveiling thinking no way in hell are they going to make the rear end look like a recycled Camaro. And then they went and did it..

  2. Jon says:

    I think it’s a perfect blend of progressive design and corvette heritage. GM nailed it with this car!

    • Jon says:

      The fact that you’re even talking about the “quad” exhaust really takes away from any point you were trying to make. The corvette has always had “quad” exhaust since at least the C4. Its a dual exhaust with dual tips, nothing new and a lot of cars have it. And you do realize that all the vents on the car are fully functional right? The front vent pulls the hot air over the car instead of under and rear vents cool the transmission. It’s a very well designed car. The GTO was an ugly boring car and It looked like a grand prix. I owned an ’04 GTO and will admit that. Really not a good comparison car when you’re talking about a sleeper vs. a car that is meant to be seen. Everyone that I have talked to up to this point has loved the look of the car. Do they see some similarities in the rear lights, sure! but if you think the full back end or the car in general looks like a Camaro, then you’d be sadly mistaken. The Camaro is a muscle car, boxy and big. The corvette is sports car that now even more so has the look of an exotic. There is no better looking and performing sports car near the 50k mark that can touch it. Period.

      • Hal says:

        I couldn’t agree with you more Jon. While I don’t know the specifics on the car YET, I can tell you having owned an 04′ and 08′, I saw one on my morning commute in TPA today and was pleasantly suprise at the Exotic look it does have. I like the new lines, vents, ass end (tail lights too even though similiar to Camaro) as it is totally different than what has been seen for years, This overhaul was not the usual subtle change you typically see in a Corvette. Anyone who knows Corvette’s know this was a big leap for Chevy to make these kind of changes. Having said this, please consider the source who still has a love affair for the 04′ GTO!

  3. Jim T says:

    Agreed. Ugly to th bone. Who would be seen driving such a mess. Worst thing since the 1st yr Charger and AMC Matador. Maybe somebody will create a body kit. Shreiks of Blue Collar. Not going to sell internationally looking like this. Certainly not a potential Bond car.

  4. jesse says:

    Well actually,the vents are there for a reason and they work.I’m not a fan of the new Vette either,but tacked on vents they ain’t. This car is longer and heaver then the c6. More angles then career criminal. Alas,I’ll keep my c6..

  5. Johnny says:

    Hasbro designs a Corvette – – A collection of every over used automotive styling gimmick and clearly designed to appeal mostly to fourteen year old japanese video gamers. When unfolded, the robot hiding in this toyish insult will replace Ed Welburn at Goof-ball Motors. It makes the Camaro look good by comparison. Sting Ray… Yeah right. This is what happens when the “everyone gets a trophy” generation takes over.

  6. Logan says:

    Perhaps you should all read the motor trend article that explains each air vent, nook, cranny, and background of the design which came from racing research. Or, you could just pontificate without any justifiable evidence to support your conclusion, ie, speaking out of your ass with mere subjective opinion and without objective knowledge. What do they say opinions are like? Oh yeah, asses, everyone has them. Often those with the strongest opinions are the most closed minded. Oops, there I went with a subjective opinion about opinionated individuals. Redundant hypocrisy. My bad. I will go drive my mini van home.

  7. JOJO says:

    Stolen design cues from the new Viper and Ferrari 458….check any poll online, the cars not receiving a very favorable reception in the looks department. Looks like design panic.

  8. Mike, 01 Zo6 owner says:

    The new Corvette design has lost it’s historic, clean and understated design for a powerhouse of an automobile. All that I could think when I saw this design was “a Cadillac designer must have had a hand in this abomination”

  9. skeleton says:

    It really doesn’t matter to me. It’s way to expensive!!:(

  10. jojo says:

    Objectively speaking……………., hands down one of the ugliest designs of any vehicle of all time. GM – Corvette Division have destroyed this car, period. Mechanically, the vehicle is, for what it is, an exceptional triumph, that stands and stands so tall. But good god, what possessed anyone at Sieg Heil Obama Motors to believe that reconfiguring a Camaro and calling it a Corvette would be attractive?

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